A Letter to My Valentine

Dear Valentine, 

I have written many letters and can’t help but notice that I’ve never written one to you. I feel that needs to change. I’ve just been so comfortable getting to know and love you these past few months that I haven’t had any real desire to find the words, until now. So, my first ever Valentine, this is your love letter. 

Although you have only been in my life for a short amount of time, it feels like I’ve known you a lifetime. They say there are such things as soulmates. Someone who you instantly connect with, someone you can’t imagine life without and there’s no doubt in my mind that you are one of them. From the moment I met you, I just knew I wanted to be around you. You had this warm energy that just embraced me in the warmest way. A contagious smile that always found its way onto my face. And your jokes that somehow made only us laugh. It’s something that can’t really be explained, it can only be felt. And from then on everything between us has been so effortless. The laughter, the smiles, the conversation; the love. The thing is, I still can’t comprehend how comfortable I am around you. I’ve always been beyond insecure and the idea of someone loving me was exciting yet it terrified me. But somehow you make it all so easy, like this has been written in the stars. Before I moved here I knew deep down in my heart that someone like you was waiting, it was all just a matter of time finding you. But as I always say, good things come to those who wait and you were so worth waiting for. 

So dearest Valentine, I need you to know that I wouldn’t change you for the world and that I’ll always choose you. You’re the sweetest, most caring, funniest, patient, loving, most wonderful man I know. And I am so lucky to get to call you mine. I could write you a book on everything I love about you, but I’ll settle with these for now. 

I love how you can always make me laugh, even when I’m in a bad mood. I love all of our little inside jokes and all the memories of us doing stupid things . I love how we can laugh at our mistakes and when I’m with you, I’m always laughing. 

I love that you’re the only person that can make everything better;  if I’m having a bad day and it’s only getting worse, the only thing I want to do is run to you. I know that during the bad days you are my only light and just spending a minute with you will make the day better. Or if I’m having a great day, you’re the person I want to tell it to. 

I love that I don’t know what you know and you don’t know what I know. I love that we can both teach each other things and that you never belittle me for not knowing something, you’ll always explain.

I love how compassionate you are and you always know how to calm me down in stressful situations. Like that time I had to drive my undriveable car while it was being toed and you knew exactly what to say and do, and I honestly couldn’t have done it without you. I remember looking over at you and I knew that you were the person I always want by my side. The only person who gets me and can settle my overactive heart and irrational mind. 

I love waking up to your sleepy face and you holding me in your arms. I love coming home to you after a tedious day at work and knowing that being with you will make it better. I love every boring task that we always make fun. 

I love every goofy smile on your face, every laugh your voice creates, every second in your warm embrace. I love your accent when it differs from mine, I love your dimples when they show from time to time. Lastly, I love that you’ve taught me what love is and what it’s like to be loved. 

You have my heart, always.
Ashlea x


A Letter to November & December

Dear November & December,

I will admit that I've been holding back from writing this letter for a while now. I just haven't been able to put it into words. I don't know if it's because I have nothing to say, or too much. So I apologise if I have seemed to have forgotten about you, please don't take it personally. It's just that these past few weeks have been a total whirlwind and it has been hard for my head to keep up with how quickly everything has changed. It feels like I've been captivated into a blissful daze and found myself in a safe and calmly unfamiliar bubble, and to put it simply November, I got lost. I saw the sun rise and fall but I didn't acknowledge that time still moved and the world was still turning. It took a while but it's only now that I am realising that all the clichés are true. Before you came along I swore I would never be another victim but here I am claiming how easy it is to get lost in it once you've been bitten. And so I humbly apologise to all that I have abandoned, one being this letter. I truly hope you understand.

You have both been so good to me, I will always hold you dear to my heart. I keep thinking back to those days and all that accompanied it, and to be honest, I think I'll always go back there in my mind. Back to the beginning of secret stares with eyes that couldn't lie and sweet smiles that grew wider each time. To all the moments I spent laughing at jokes that only I found funny and rolling my eyes to the endless stream of sarcasm. Back to the moments when I was won over by that sweetest-dimple-exposing smile. When the nights consisted of constant laughter and teasing about different accents, cups of tea and silly debates over when to add the sugar. To all the many attempts of watching Harry Potter movies because distraction became a permanent friend. I'll still remember how those cold mornings became a constant struggle as the desperate urge to stay in bed was intensifying. Ultimately, it was a combination of late nights and early mornings, lost sleep and clumsy fallings. 

Before this letter comes to an end, I want to thank you from the bottom of my full and beating heart. Thank you for being the best to me and treating me with such care, for giving me the one thing I have always secretly craved. Thank you for your constant reminder that I am loved, even on my bad days and that the sun does rise and fall and I get to share them with my favourite person. But most of all, thank you for reminding me what happiness feels like. 

I owe you. 

Always, Ashlea 


Can guys and girls just be friends?

Friends? Totally.
Best friends? That’s where it gets complicated.

Let me start off with a quote, taken from the movie ‘500 Days of Summer’
‘A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late or maybe forever.’

So, just friends?

I don’t think this causes much debate, friends are people you like to hang out with, who make you laugh and you enjoy being around. Gender has no say in whether you fall for them or not. But best friends? It’s complicated. I do think it’s possible for a guy and a girl to be best friends and not develop feelings. It may be the goofy kind of relationship where you embarrass yourself way too much in front of them, or have gross conversations that you skip the feelings and just see them as more of a sibling than anything. Maybe you value your friendship so much that you fight off any sort of feelings because you don’t want it to ruin what the two of you have. I do think it’s possible, but I think the chances are pretty slim, too. I mean let’s face it, you’re best friends so you are with each other all the time. You know everything about them, their habits, their behaviour, their secrets etc. You’ve got them all figured out and memorised like the back of your hand. You know them so well, it is so easy for you to know when they are not okay, despite them saying so, and you also know when the time is to either cheer them up or let them be. You know how to make them happy and that’s all you want to do, or when they are sad and need someone to talk to, they will always come to you. You’ve got to that point where you’re so comfortable around them that you can sit in silence, doing your separate things and be happy. Where you can make a fool of yourself and not feel completely embarrassed because they will laugh with you. You’ve met their family and your parents know about them. You can talk about everything and anything and have had plenty of DMC’s and late night conversations, where you’re surprised when you look at the time. You look out for each other and know that if you’re ever in trouble they will always be there for you. You may even get to the stage where you do everything together, it’s weird if they’re not there. You both have your inside jokes that can make you both cry with laughter and everyone else around you rolls their eyes because they don’t understand. You’ve got to that point where you are both so invested in each other, you know every little thing about them and time with them is invaluable.

So if you have that type of relationship with your best friend, congratulations, you have something incredibly special. Now let me ask you a question, with everything I’ve just said, what is the difference between that relationship and a romantic one? Physical intimacy. That’s it! And most of the time best friends hug or hold hands, so there’s only a couple of things you don’t do. So, developing feelings for somebody whom you’re already emotionally intimate with is almost inevitable. Let’s face it, you’ve already got the foundations of a beautiful relationship. I mean, how could you not fall for them? So now, I guess the question is:

Will a romantic relationship ruin the friendship?

This is a question that will never have a black and white answer, I’m afraid. So if you’re in this position I definitely recommend you think it through… a lot! I think the biggest thing you need to take into serious consideration, is if your feelings are true. You have to be in the mindset of ‘I really want to kiss him’ rather than ‘I wonder what that would be like’. You should be thinking ‘I would love to spend my life with them’ rather than ‘I don’t want to see them with anybody else’. You’ve got to think that you have really strong feelings for them rather than you’re just intrigued to find out what it would be like.

After all of this pondering, you should come to a conclusion. You have feelings or you’re curious. If a decision is hard to come by, then leave it for a while. See what your subconscious concludes. Then you need to think some more. If you have feelings for them, think of every alternate way of telling them and what may happen afterwards. The main thing you need to think about though, is if you tell them and they don’t feel the same way, will that ruin everything you have and make it weird between you two? You’ll never know until it happens, but primarily you need to weigh the positive results with the negative.

  • Can you live with yourself if you have to hide your feelings every time you’re with them? Is it fair to you?
  • Is your relationship so special it would kill you if it ended because you told them how you feel?
  • What would it be like if you never said a word and found out years later that they felt the exact same way but you were both too scared to tell each other?

Whatever decision you make, just make sure you’ll be able to live with yourself without having any regrets. Who know what will happen if you never try? It could be the best decision of your life, or it could ruin a great friendship – but maybe it’s something you can both get over and laugh about in the years to come.

Is the risk worth the potential outcome?

I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!