A Letter to October

Dear October,

You have no idea how long I have been waiting for someone like you. Of all the wishes I have ever made, on shooting stars, 11:11 and eyelashes, they are finally coming true. It’s like you heard my silent cry and have magically turned my life around. You’ve been like my Fairy Godmother magically transforming the pumpkin into a carriage, but you’ve turned my lonely nights into memorable ones. And as each wonderful night slowly fades to morning, I now sleep with a smile on my face.

May I just say that I think you are absolutely beautiful, October. I’ve been watching you in awe, admiring your diversity of colours and how quickly it all changes. I suppose I better take it all in before you disappear for good as the Autumn leaves are falling and are being gently carried by the wind. I’ve been trying to figure out my reasons for loving you the most and I think it’s because you are like the sweetest smile on a familiar face, so warm and comforting like an oversized jumper. You are the perfect combination of electric coffee and glowing candlelight, late night drives and warm blankets. I think that’s why I love you so much, October, because you have brought the perfect balance of adventure and cosiness along with you.

Thank you October, for now I understand, you win some you lose some, that’s just part of the plan. Not everything works out if it wasn’t meant to be but one day when it does, it happens so effortlessly. So please forgive me October, for all the words that I said, for all the doubts that made a home in my head. You see, I’m just another victim of lost and faded hope but you showed me ‘perfect’ through a kaleidoscope. We’re all just people, a mixture of colours and shapes trying so desperately to find our place. We float around and swerve and crash, tired from feeling the pain of whiplash. But just give it time and it’ll all make sense, let go of your fears and put down your defence. It took a while but I finally see, that sometimes you have to get it wrong, for you to realise how right it can be.

Thank you for everything. Take care of yourself until I see you again.

Always, Ashlea

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Letter to April

Dear April,

I’ve had this conflicting feeling for such a long time now and it has been the most confusing thing to try and comprehend. It’s something I can’t express in so many words so I thought of trying to phrase it differently, so without further ado, here’s my poem.

Black Hole

Before the days that I met you
I was certain that you were blue.
For you would be:
an ocean of sadness that comes in waves,
like raindrops that fall and race down my face
A feeling so prominent, I couldn’t escape
But now that we’ve met
I no longer think this way.

For now I see that you’re contradicting;
a conflicting feeling
of contentment and dissatisfaction,
of silence and interaction.

You’ve made a mess of me
eating away at my sanity,
And every time I think I’m free
You pull me back like gravity.
It’s impossible to be happy
When you’re the black hole inside of me.
I’ve been taken captive in your darkness,
Where all I feel is emptiness
But now I realise what this is,
You are the feeling of loneliness.

Always, Ashlea