A Letter to October

Dear October,

You have no idea how long I have been waiting for someone like you. Of all the wishes I have ever made, on shooting stars, 11:11 and eyelashes, they are finally coming true. It’s like you heard my silent cry and have magically turned my life around. You’ve been like my Fairy Godmother magically transforming the pumpkin into a carriage, but you’ve turned my lonely nights into memorable ones. And as each wonderful night slowly fades to morning, I now sleep with a smile on my face.

May I just say that I think you are absolutely beautiful, October. I’ve been watching you in awe, admiring your diversity of colours and how quickly it all changes. I suppose I better take it all in before you disappear for good as the Autumn leaves are falling and are being gently carried by the wind. I’ve been trying to figure out my reasons for loving you the most and I think it’s because you are like the sweetest smile on a familiar face, so warm and comforting like an oversized jumper. You are the perfect combination of electric coffee and glowing candlelight, late night drives and warm blankets. I think that’s why I love you so much, October, because you have brought the perfect balance of adventure and cosiness along with you.

Thank you October, for now I understand, you win some you lose some, that’s just part of the plan. Not everything works out if it wasn’t meant to be but one day when it does, it happens so effortlessly. So please forgive me October, for all the words that I said, for all the doubts that made a home in my head. You see, I’m just another victim of lost and faded hope but you showed me ‘perfect’ through a kaleidoscope. We’re all just people, a mixture of colours and shapes trying so desperately to find our place. We float around and swerve and crash, tired from feeling the pain of whiplash. But just give it time and it’ll all make sense, let go of your fears and put down your defence. It took a while but I finally see, that sometimes you have to get it wrong, for you to realise how right it can be.

Thank you for everything. Take care of yourself until I see you again.

Always, Ashlea

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A Letter to September

Dear September,

I have to confess something. I have been mistaking you with August for the whole 30 days, I don’t even know how. I think it’s because you usually make such a dominant entrance that everybody can’t help but to acknowledge you. The change you bring to so many lives is undeniable, some people may even think of you as January’s twin. There are some students who dread meeting you, some who are excited and there are parents who are relieved to have routine and structure back into their lives. I, on the other hand, don’t fit into one of those categories. Although, I am no longer in education, I feel like I have finished the academic year, graduated with the grades to prove it and yet somehow I’m still there when I know I should be moving on.

You see, September, you’ve just left me feeling really confused (which isn’t unusual). If I know that I’m wandering down a dead end road, then why am I still walking? I suppose I’m just a little disappointed because I was really hoping that you would completely change an aspect of my life. I felt so ready to take the world by storm and to put myself out there and  progress. It doesn’t make sense to me why you’ve made me stay in the same place when I’m capable of so much more. I hope when we next meet, it’ll all make sense and that you are leading me to a diversion which will eventually take me to where I want to be.

However, it would be wrong of me to say that you have left my life untouched. After months, if not years, of loneliness and isolation and a couple of failed attempts at socialising, I finally found a group of people I fit in with. They are as warm and welcoming as an open fireplace on a cold winters night. You know what they say, third time lucky! So although my anxiety may have escalated in the beginning, and may continue to, I know that it is totally worth it and I should have nothing to fear. Here’s to me hoping that life will only get better from here.

Always, Ashlea

 

A Letter to July

Dear July,

I’ve made it to twenty and I still can’t believe it. I mean, 20! I’m not a teenager anymore, nor will I ever be again. And as scary as that may seem, I’m actually okay with it. The idea that I will never be as embarrassing and awkward as I used to be, is invigorating and relieving!

Although age is supposed to change you, ironically enough I feel more like my old self than I have in a long time and it could not make me happier. I’ve embraced all that the past few years have taught me but I’m not letting it change my perspective on the world anymore. I’ve learnt that you are what you attract and hating the world and blaming it for everything that goes wrong, doesn’t do you any favours. So here I am, at the age of twenty, trying to have the same hopeful, optimistic outlook on life as I did when I was seventeen. I think there’s beauty and magic in that. So although I am wiser and more curious, wearing rose tinted glasses again is way more fun!

Your 20’s are your selfish years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time – travel, explore, learn, love a lot and never touch the ground.

So July, this is where I start the next adventure, as cliché as it may sound. I feel like this is the start of a new era. A time where my life falls completely in my own hands. There’s no ties, no compromise, no obligations. I have no idea where I’m going but I’m following my heart towards happiness. I am still alive and breathing, I walk this earth with some sort of purpose and I won’t stop until I know what it is.

And now this is where we part ways again. Thank you, July, you’ve brought hope back into my life and helped me remember how powerful and wonderful it is. I feel like I’ve wandered off track for two years but I’ve finally found my way back again.

Here’s to my twenties, where everything is possible!

Always, Ashlea